


All Good Things

by Live4h0y



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alien Sex, Alien love, Aliens, Alliance navy, Asari Characters, BioWare, Biotics, Earthborn (Mass Effect), F/M, FemShep - Freeform, Garrus x Shepard, Geth, Infiltrator (Mass Effect), It would be an awfully empty galaxy without you, Krogans, ME3, Mass Effect - Freeform, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect Romance, No Shepard without Vakarian, PTSD Shepard, Paragade (Mass Effect), Post-Mass Effect 3, Prothean, Quarians, Reapers, Shakarian - Freeform, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Turians, Xenophilia, normandy sr2, vorcha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 07:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8362201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Live4h0y/pseuds/Live4h0y
Summary: Commander Shepard barely survives the explosion of the Citadel. The battle may be over, but it's left scars that will stay forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This piece contains violent descriptions and intercourse with alien species.

"Shepard? Commander?" The admiral's voice floating over the comm woke her from almost sleeping. 

"Wha-" She grumbled awake. "What do you need me to do?" She tried to stand, but a sharp pain in her side threw her over sideways. 

"Nothing's happening. It's not firing." He said. 

She tried to stand again, slipped in her own blood and smacked hard against the floor. She took a shaky breath, the floor was surprisingly warm against her cheek, but then she realized it was the blood her face rested in that was warm.

"Shepard?" 

She struggled forwards on her elbows, pain racked her body at every move. "I can't-" She tried to open her eyes, but blood stung her eyes instantly, they closed instinctively "I don't see.." she reached blindly for the console, but came up short. Her body felt too weak, her arms had turned to jello and refused to do her bidding. She tried to concentrate, but the world was fading, everything turning dark and fuzzy. Admiral Hackett was saying something, she tried to understand but it was all garbled.

...  
Garrus POV

He watched from the cockpit as the Reaper fired on the area. His heart pounded so hard he thought it might bust right through his body. Dr. Chawkwas had insisted he stay in the med bay, but he couldn't. He had to watch, as if watching and worrying would ensure success. But he didn't just want success, did he? He wanted her to come back. What would he do without her..

Admiral Hackett spoke over the comm. "Did anyone make it?"

Garrus waited anxiously for a reply, hoping for Shepard to come over the comm any second saying she made it. No such thing happened. 

"Negative. Our forces were decimated. No survivors as far as I can tell." A voice explained. 

His world seemed to stop and tilt over to the side. He sat down hard on top of a inactive console and Tali put her hand on his shoulder. She was saying something to him that he couldn't understand. Liara leaned down in front of him, saying something as well. 

The pain that welled up in his chest was unbearable. "I shouldn't have left her.." 

"Garrus.. hey man.." He looked up and James was there, clearly shaken as well. "If you were there, things wouldn't be any different."

No. He didn't believe that, he could have pushed her out of the way. "Hey there's something happening. Maybe she made it!" Joker looked back at them. 

Garrus jumped up and ran over to examine what was happening. Someone made it. It had to be her. He knew it was her. There was a cough on the comm. His attention snapped to it. Could it be?

"Wha- what do you need me to do?" He let out a sound of relief. Everyone around the room let out a sigh as well.

"Nothing's happening. It's not firing." Hackett stated. He heard her grunting as she moved forward. Sounds of pain that made his heart ache. 

"Shepard?" Hackett checked.

She made some strange gasps. "I cant-" It was garbled from her breathing so hard. He tried to breathe, but felt like he couldn't. He felt like he was suffocating, every breath felt forced, came out to heavy and rough. "I don't see.." 

"Come on, Carmen.." Garrus pleaded softly. 

"Shepard?" Hackett again. No reply. "Shepard?" More desperate this time, still with no reply. The time stretched on with her saying nothing. Garrus became more and more anxious. Hope was still alive, but it was fleeting. 

...

The Catalyst explained everything, explained all of her options. Her body ached as he spoke, anxious to rest, but she resisted. After all of her options were on the table she considered carefully as she staggered forward. This couldn't go on any longer, the Reapers had to end. 

As she came to the break in the path she strayed right, she would destroy the Reapers. It had to end, it was the only option, she decided. At the top of the ramp, she watched as another ship blew apart, fighters were on fire, spiraling out of control. It only confirmed that she was making the right choice. This was not order to chaos, this was genocide. She forced her mind to focus. She raised her gun weakly and fired a shot, it missed it's target entirely. 

She fired off another, and it connected with glass, steam blew through the small hole. She fired another, and the glass began to crack. It was going to blow up. She knew that she would die, but all the ones she cared about would live. Garrus floated trough her mind, every moment they and spent together flashed by in an instant as her target exploded, throwing her broken body back. 

Her mind settled on the memory of them dancing together at the bar, her head leaned softly against his shoulder and his face pressing against the side of her own. The way that he had moved with her, making her feel on top of the world. The way his eyes had lit up when she fell into step, and then the slow dance afterwards. His hand pressed softly a little too close to her bottom, warm and welcomed. 

His smiling eyes so full of love were the last thing her mind settled on before the blast knocked her unconscious. 

..  
Garrus POV

He gasped at the explosion they could see from the front of the Normandy. They were all in awe.. what happened? It appeared to be an explosion, but why? Did she make it?

"Joker.." Liara urged. "We have to go." He nodded. 

"No!" Garrus yelled out. "No, we can't leave her!" He jumped forward and Javik grabbed him hard and pulled him back. 

"We have to go now." He said sternly. 

"No.. she could still be alive."

"No." Javik pulled Garrus back as Joker turned away and picked up speed. "You need to face facts, my friend." Garrus struggled against him, but the Prothean was strong and held on tight and firm. 

Garrus yanked his arm free and connected to the comm. "Shepard!" No reply. "Shepard, I'm so sorry.." his heart felt like it might explode or cease to work, either would be fine if she was gone. "I love you so much.." He said softly, full of emotion and truth. "Please.." They hit FTL before he could say more. He sagged against the wall and Javik kept him from falling to the floor. 

"Get yourself together." Javik grumbled to him. "The fight is not over yet." It is for me, he thought, I've nothing left to fight for. 

...

"Shepard!" She drifted in and out of consciousness, she tried to focus, her mind pressed hard for who was speaking. "Shepard, I'm so sorry." More static, interference. "I love you so much.." It was Garrus, her mind finally plucked it up she tried to speak, to make some sound, but nothing happened. "Please.." The voice pleaded, pleading her to be alive. Suddenly, the interference and voice disappeared. 

"I..love.." she gasped hard against the pain that speaking caused, "you.." Her world faded to black as the wash of what looked like a wall of fire settled over her. 

..  
Earth:

John Bullin followed his lieutenant into battle, they shot down Reaper forces in desperation, but they knew it was a lost cause. The Citadel had exploded, it was over. Now they could only choose how spitefully they died.

He leaned around the corner of a broken car and saw a wall of fire heading towards them. He watched in shock and fear as it touched the Reapers, deactivating them instantly. He slung his body flat against the side of the car, hoping this might save him from certain death, but as the "fire" washed over his body, he felt no pain. He watched in amazement as the Reaper forces fell one by one. 

This energy apparently only effected synthetics. So it had worked? The Crucible? He jumped up and looked over to his comrades, who also stood awestruck, surrounded by husks and cannibals that had never been fired upon. They whooped and hollered, throwing their arms up in the air and hugging one another as they watched the energy move over the horizon, disabling Reapers at every turn.

Bullin had tears in his eyes, making the whole scene blurry and off colored. This was a miracle. His family would be safe, he could raise his sons in a world without this, and all because of Commander Shepard. 

....

The first thing she noticed was pain. Pain in every part of her body, like every nerve fired at once. She forced herself to take a bigger breath, it came our sharp from the pain it caused her broken ribs. She tried first to wiggle her toes, and after some coaxing, the sore attachments moved. Then she did the same with her fingers, clutching them slowly into fists. 

She opened her eyes, well eye, the other was swelled shut. The beautiful setting of the sun welcomed her back to the land of the living. She gazed at the brilliance of it in actual peace. If she was going to die, she'd rather be no where else than back on Earth, watching the sun set on this day and the threat of the Reapers. When it came back up tomorrow, there would be no more fear. No more war. She smiled with bloody lips. 

Yes, this is a fine place to die, she thought as she closed her eyes. The warmth of the dying sunlight danced on her face, enlightening her journey into death.

As it were, she would not be dying on this day. A young man was scouting the sight of the explosion looking for survivors when he spotted her mangled body.

"Oh my God.." He said breathlessly. He called for help and some other soldiers came. They started lifting rubble off of her body and pulling her free with great care. 

"Hackett? She's alive." He said over the comm. Exasperation and amazement clear in his voice and on his face. 

She grunted weakly as they lifted her onto a stretcher. Her body was broken, ready to give up, as was she. She started to close her eyes again and a young man lightly slapped her on the cheeks. "Stay with me, Commander." 

"I cant-" her voice cracked, weak and hoarse. "I need to..go...". A dark skinned woman with green eyes injected her with something as they walked. She barely felt the needle go in, everything hurt. "I'm tired." She grumbled.

"No ma'am." The man stated. "Stay with me. Look at me, Shepard." She tried to keep her eye open and focus on him, but everything was spinning, blurry and fuzzy. Everything was slipping away. She tried to mentally grab hold and hang on but she was so tired. She just wanted to sleep.

She couldn't open her eye anymore, her breathing slowed down, and then stopped all together. She was at peace with it, it was strange. 

"We're losing her!" She heard the man say, but it was coming to her through a tunnel. "Bring the.." everything faded out. Commander Shepard died in that moment. 

.......

They held a ceremony, well kind of, for Shepard. They made a plaque with her name on it to go on the wall. Joker thought it would be best if Garrus put it up. He held the metal piece in his hand, it felt like all he had left in the world in that moment. The cold hard edges of the plate dug into his rough palm. He welcomed the pain. 

He stepped forward to place the plaque, but stopped short. Garrus ran his fingers over her name, his insides knotted up and he kind of hummed in the agony of loss. He wasn't ready yet. He dropped his hand to his side, plaque still in hand and turned back. The others were grief stricken as well, they had accepted Shepard's fate, but he couldn't. Wouldn't actually. 

He shook his head. "I won't do it." He stated weakly. Liara averted her eyes as tears spilled down her cheeks. "We have to go back," he reasoned, "She could still be alive."

"Garrus-" Joker started. 

"We can't be sure!" Garrus demanded. 

"We all saw what happened, Garrus.. do you really believe she could survive that?" James asked. 

"I.." He covered his eyes with his hand. "I don't know. I need to be sure." 

Joker nodded. "Then we fix the old girl up, and we go back to Earth." Tali nodded her head in agreement, as did Kaidan and James. 

"Hell yeah!" James said, and a few others agreed with whoops. 

"Well, we better get started then. We have some work to do before we can fly the Normandy again." Joker explained casually, as if they weren't stranded on an unknown planet. 

..  
2 weeks later

"Wow.." Joker said exasperated by the scene. Earth had been struck in force, that much was clear, but they were already rebuilding, rubble has been cleared off the street and they were slowly tearing apart some of the Reapers near where the Citadel had been pointed. Garrus scanned the area, that's where he had last seen her, and despite reason he looked over every aspect within a few seconds. 

"I'll try to connect to Hackett. See if he knows anything." Joker looked at Garrus sympathetically. He didn't believe that she could have made it, but he understood why Garrus needed too. He looked over to the empty seat next to him, and a sharp ache welled up in his chest. EDI was gone forever, God how he missed her. 

Finally, a connection went through. "Hackett, this is the Normandy."

"Hello, Normandy. Nice to see you made it back." 

"Yes sir." Joker replied with a soft smile. "We have a passenger, or umm all of them, wondering about one Commander Shepard."

It was silent a moment, a moment that everyone seemed to hold their breath. "We have an area sealed off for landing ships. Put the Normandy down there and I'll meet you just inside the fort."

Everyone exhaled, not the answer they had been looked for. Garrus hoped at least that they had found her body if she were dead. He couldn't bear the thought of her body dead and rotting somewhere in the rubble. 

"Garrus," Tali almost whispered. He looked over to her. "You may need to prepare yourself for the possibility.." she trailed, she didn't want to finish that thought. 

Garrus nodded solemnly. "I know."

"Preparing to land." Joker told the crew. 

The airlock opened after landing and everyone filed out. Traynor, Chawkwas, Donnelly, Adams, everyone. Donnelly helped Joker out of the ship after his feet were firmly on the ground. 

Garrus was already headed for the gates of a temporary camp. Everyone rushed to keep up. The soldiers opened the rolling gate and let them inside. He saw Hackett standing near some other people. Not soldiers but engineers, probably reactivating things and learning all they could from the Reapers.

"Admiral Hackett." Garrus saluted when Hackett turned to face him. 

Hackett returned the salute and nodded to the rest. "Glad to see everyone is in good shape." 

"Yes sir-" Joker started. 

"Shepard?" Garrus interupted. He was anxious, he had waited long enough.

Hackett scanned over Garrus' anxious face. "Well, I wish the news was better than it is," he explained, "Commander Shepard survived-" 

"Oh, Spirits.." Garrus let out all of the pain he had been holding, it floated away with the exhale of breath. 

"But.." Hackett continued, "She is severely injured. Her body gave up on the stretcher. They had to take emergency action. She's alive, and concious." He made eye contact so Garrus knew he was serious. "But we don't know for how long."

"What does that mean?" Hackett nodded towards a damaged building and started walking. Garrus followed. 

"We'll just hang back!" Joker called after them. 

"Her body is badly damaged. We aren't sure that she will actually survive." Hackett stated. "I just don't want you to get your hopes up."

Garrus nodded as they made their way inside. Hackett led him up a flight of stairs and turned left down a hallway that was surprisingly clean and almost undamaged. 

"So.." Hackett started, "are you Garrus?"

"Yeah, I am." 

"I thought so.. it's one of the first things she said when we could talk to her. Though I admit I thought you'd be-"

"Human?" 

Hackett laughed. "Not turian." He led them to a door and opened it quietly. 

"She's talking?" Garrus asked softly. 

"Sometimes." Hackett said back. He looked over to Garrus who was looking at her intently. The soft beep of the heart monitor filled the silence. "I'll give you some time. Come find me if you need anything." 

"Thank you." Garrus said absent mindedly. He walked over to her bedside on silent feet. He looked at her face. It was bruised and cut, her cheeks were gaunt and lightly purple. A burn on the right side of her face cut up jaggedly into her hairline, cutting a swath through her red hair. There was a small bandage above and behind her right ear, he couldn't imagine what it was from. There was a bandage around her ribs, a soft pink bloomed a few layers down. Her left arm was in a cast, and her right arm was bandaged up, an IV stuck into the top of her bruised hand. Her chest rose and fell weakly. 

He shut his eyes hard. It hurt seeing her like this. "Carmen.." He said this mostly for himself, but somehow she heard it. When he opened his eyes, he saw her own moving around under her eyelids. 

Her left eye opened, unfocused. It caught on him. "Garrus.." It was weak and hoarse, and her voice cracked halfway through his name. 

He gripped her hand softly. "I'm here." 

"Waahh-" She closed her eye and tried again. "Wahh-" her breaths quickened in frustration and she swallowed hard. Water. She was asking for water, he saw a pitcher and white paper cups on a counter nearby and dropped her hand to go recieve some. 

He helped prop her head up softly, coaxing her cracked lips open with the lip of the paper cup. The liquid slid down her throat in a couple of gulps and then she sighed in relief. He sat her head back down on the pillow gently and ever so softly touched her cheek. "I love you so much." He took her hand again, and her fingers squeezed it lightly. 

"I love you." She croaked. Her eye made contact with his and she tried to smile, but it hurt her head so she grunted instead.

"I should have stayed with you." He said sadly. 

"No.. you.." Her head started to loll to the side and her eye was closing. She drifted back to sleep in an instant. Probably all the trauma, her body needed to heal. He knew that, but damn it was hard. Her hand went limp in his own and he looked down at it in observation of all the events. 

"Excuse me, sir.." A petite darkly skinned nurse with green eyes was in the door way. "I'm sorry, but you have to leave for now. We have to do a check up and clean her wounds. You can come back at seven."

Garrus nodded and sat her limp hand down reluctantly beside her body. "Alright. Take good care of her." He said as he passed by the nurse, and exited the door. "I need her.." He said softly to himself once in the hallway. 

Once back outside he spotted Joker and a few others sitting comfortably in the shade of a raggedy tent. He strode over and sat down on top of a supply crate. They looked at him expectantly. His mandibles shifted in consideration before he spoke. "She's talking, but she doesn't look good."

"Is it as bad as they say?" Liara shifted uncomfortably in a fold out chair. 

"Probably." Garrus confessed. "I only spoke to her a moment before she passed out." Liara shook her head and looked at her feet with unease. She had hoped otherwise. 

"They told me to come back at seven." Garrus stated. "I want to show her she was on my mind," he looked to Joker for an answer. 

"Umm.. get her flowers. Ladies love flowers." 

"Flowers?" Garrus asked. "You mean those weeds that humans put around as decoration?"

Joker laughed. "Yeah, those." 

"Yes." Javik interjected, "They serve no purpose against an enemy. I would say they are weeds as well."

Liara gave him a look. "I think they're beautiful." Garrus was sure if Javik could he might blush, but instead he met her gaze steadily. 

"I see." He smiled at her softly. "I suppose they do have some purpose then." This time Liara did blush, her blue cheeks turning slightly purple. 

"That's great and all, but where would I even get flowers?" Garrus looked back to Joker. 

"Normally there are florists you buy flowers from, but I doubt any of those are in operation." Joker explained. "Maybe you can find some wild ones and just pick them?" 

Garrus looked around the area. It was just concrete and rubble. "I doubt it." 

"I'll help you look," Joker stood and hobbled towards a guard. "Excuse me.. do you know if there are any fields of garden areas around here?"

The guard looked rather confused, they were in the aftermath of a war and these fools were asking about gardens? "I don't know?" He said sarcastically before turning back to his duty. 

"Alright. Thanks for nothing, smiley." Joker called as he walked on. "I guess we'll just have to look for ourselves." 

They walked all over he streets of London looking for any trace of flowers. Garrus imagined that it had once been beautiful there. Joker was explaining more rituals of human affection and sending Garrus links to vids that would help, when he spotted one. A bright pink thing, sticking up beside an uprooted tree. 

"There," he pointed, "is that one?" 

"Yeah," Joker replied as Garrus walked over and looked down at the delicate pink petals. "You just pick it, like this." He showed how to break the stem and handed it to Garrus. He looked sadly down at the spot where the flower had once stood. Blood stained the ground around it, turning the dirt and sickly shade of purple. 

"Hey, I'm.. umm, I'm sorry about EDI." Garrus said softly, looking down at the stained dirt as well. 

"Yeah, me too." Joker said seriously. "It's just how it goes.. we all lose people we care about." He reasoned, but even Garrus could tell that it wasn't really true. 

"Maybe we can bring her back somehow? Reactivate her?" 

"I don't know," he said, "I hope, but.."

"I know." Garrus looked down to the single flower, in the moment he could see how it was a special thing. It symbolized life itself, delicate and beautiful. It was important. "I think this is enough, let's just head back." He had hope, and that was enough to be grateful for, some people didn't have anything left. 

He had to believe that everything was going to alright. She was going to be alright.


	2. Chapter 2

Screams of agony burned through her mind, ripping everything loose in bright screeches, and wreaking havoc at every turn. Flashes of massive Reapers descending from the sky, claws reaching out, screeching as they landed and opened their front panels. Beams of deadly force shot out from the exposed parts, incinerating whatever it touched. She watched in horror as people were obliterated and building collapsed. 

She was on top of a building, running towards the Normandy, everyone stood on the edge of the opened cargo bay, motioning for her. The Reaper turned it's attention to them and fired. The ship tipped to the left and then a small explosion went off in the cargo hold. They tried to fly away, but the ship was fired upon once again, this time up the middle. Small explosions mounted into bigger explosions, and eventually a massive explosion as the ships pulse drive blew. 

The flash of the explosion was blinding, and she held up her hand to shield her eyes. Once the bright explosion was over, she looked for the ship and saw only the dead. Piles of corpses, each one a different face. Each one's eyes were on her. They died waiting for her to save them. 

Commander Shepard woke up with a start, she sat up quicky, the pain in her ribs almost unbearable as her heart flung around wildly and her breaths came in quick gasps. She lifted a trembling hand to her forehead and wiped away cold sweat from her brow. She tried to slow her breathing, as every inhale was another sharp pain in the side. The heart monitor's beeping quickened, filling the silence with fast beeps of unease. 

"Carmen?" The voice came out of the dark of the hospital room. 

She almost jumped out of her skin. A strange hoarse sound escaped her lips, it had meant to be a scream but fell flat. She instinctively reached for a gun at her hip that was absent.

Garrus rushed over and grabbed her arm softly. "It's just me!" She continued to struggle, yanking her arm away as she threw a weak broken arm at him. He wrapped his arms around her as she protested. "Shepard.. calm down. You're hurting yourself." 

She halted her useless hitting. That voice.. "Garrus?" How was he here? 

"Of course. Who else would it be?"

"I- I don't know." Her mind reeled for a recollection of events, but she didn't remember what happened. She remembered the explosion of the Citadel briefly. "The Reapers-" her heart rate picked up again and he glanced briefly at the monitor before speaking. 

"They're gone." Garrus moved back from her reluctantly. He turned on the bedside lamp so that they could see each other. There was a fresh cut under her right eye, it had been lanced to relieve the pressure so she might see from it. She laid back against the pillow and breathed out slowly. Relief washed over her body in cool waves. 

"I thought I was dead.." 

"Me too." Garrus slid his hand into hers. "But I'm glad you aren't. We crash landed on a uncharted planet, but I came back as soon as I could."

"Aw shucks," she said with dry lips. "It's good to see you, babe." 

"Babe?" he laughed softly. 

"A term of endearment." She licked her lips, and he took the hint. He fetched her some water, and brought back a rolling chair so he could sit beside her. She gulped down the water all on her own. Surprising considering how weak she had been earlier. He had came back during the evening, but she had never woken up. That reminded him..

"Oh yeah," his mandibles twitched a little wider, a motion she had associated with a smile. "I almost forgot, but I got you.." He rushed over to where he had sat earlier and grabbed the pink flower from a scratched up coffee table. He held it out to her carefully as he returned. "This." 

She cocked an eyebrow, but a smile pulled on her cracked lips as she plucked it from his talons. "It's beautiful." She smelled it tenderly, eyes closed as she sniffed. She opened her eyes and smiled again. "Thank you." She put the flower in the little bit of water left in her white paper cup and sat it on the white nightstand. 

"Shepard, I thought I lost you." Garrus said seriously. He had to express this feeling with her, it needed to escape his body or he might explode. 

"I'm so sorry.." she said sadly. Then she smiled. "But I survived. Again." She laughed dryly. "Be straight with me, Garrus. How bad is it?"

"What?" he asked. 

"My face, duh."

"Hell, Shepard," he almost laughed, "you were always ugly-"

"Yeah, yeah." She swatted at him playfully. Her hand connected weakly with his shoulder. 

"It doesn't matter. I think you look sexy with all these new scars to look at."

"I think I earned them."

"Definitely," he replied. 

"God, I'm so glad you're here," she stated, making eye contact with him. "I thought I would never see you again."

He looked at her curiously, he had been here earlier. "I came by earlier, we talked for a minute."

She considered this in silence, lips pursed in thought. "I don't remember that."  

"Well, it wasn't much of conversation. You were pretty.." Pretty what? Pretty messed up? Pretty almost dead? Luckily, he didn't have to finish. 

"Well, we match now, yeah?" She motioned to her burned face. 

"We always have," he stated confidently. 

She smiled brightly, a soft pink blush could be seen through the bruises on her face. "So want happened? When the Citadel fired I mean."

"I didn't see most of it. Joker flew us out of the system, but it eventually caught up with us, which is why we crashed. It shut off EDI and without her the ship gave up long enough to let us crash."

"Shit. I didn't think of that.. how's Joker?"

Garrus sighed. "Not good."

"Shit," she repeated. "How long were you trapped?"

"Two weeks, I think. The relays were repaired by the time we got off the planet, so long enough for that to happen." 

"Two weeks?" She had been unconscious for two weeks?

"I think."

"So I was pretty banged up, huh?"

"They told me you died on the way here, Shepard." Garrus looked away, emotion flooded his chest with the cold memory of loss. She noticed this and squeezed his hand. "There was a build up of pressure in your skull, it was pressuring your brain. They had to drill a hole in your skull to release the pressure." 

She fingered the bandage above her ear at his explanation. A hole was under the thin fabric. It was a strange feeling, the inside of her head had been exposed. "You should get some rest." Garrus said softly. 

"Yeah," she replied, "you'll be here when I wake up?"

"Always." He kissed her softly on the cheek.

"Good night, Vakarian," she mumbled as he turned off the light. "I love you."

"I love you, Shepard. And good night.. babe." He tasted the word as she laughed softly at him saying it. It turned out that it was an okay reference. He needed to learn more on these "terms of endearment". He made a mental note to do that tomorrow sometime. 

..

"How's she doing, big guy?" James asked loudly enough for everyone seated at the table to hear. Garrus made contact with a few people around the picnic style table they were seated at. 

"She's doing good, actually," he laughed with joy. "I talked to her last night. Like actually talked to her." He looked back to his MRE. They had brought in special shipments for dextros, and this one was especially distasteful. 

"That's good. We're all glad to hear it." James replied with a few nods aiding his declaration. 

"When can we see her?" Tali asked, she twisted her hands around her fingers anxiously. A nervous habit. 

"I don't know." Garrus hadn't thought of that, they were minimizing contact with other species to reduce the risk for infections. He had been an exception based on Hackett's word. 

"Well, I hope it's soon." Joker looked at the ships landing and taking off through a hole in the wall. "I'm getting jittery not doing anything." Everyone one else just kind of ignored that, they had been put to work of course. There was alot of work to do.

"Me too." Garrus replied absently. 

.....

There were doctors pouring into Shepard's room. He asked what was happening, but his words fell on deaf ears. A Salarian pushed him back, saying something about he needed to stay calm. Calm?

His senses went into overdrive. His ears buzzed under the sound of the heart monitor beeping wildly. The metallic smell of blood, like rusty pennies. The smell assaulted his nasal cavities and leaked into his mouth leaving an unpleasant taste. The doctors were yelling, one had a big needle and was walking across the room towards her quickly. 

"No!" He reached his hand out in desperation, his mind firing off with all of the worst scenarios possible. The Salarian was joined by a human male that also helped hold him back. The door to her room closed abruptly, cutting off most of the sounds and smells, but the taste of blood lingered in his mouth, and he realized that he had bit his tongue. 

"Sir," the human was speaking to him in soft tones, dragging his attention over to him. "Come with me, I'll explain everything." Garrus wanted more than anything to stay in front of this door, to wait it out, but he growled softly and followed. The man lead them to a window overlooking a destroyed city, the sun shined brightly through the dirty glass. 

"What happened? She was doing so well.."

"She had a stroke," the doctor explained, hands clasped behind his back. "Her body has endured alot of trauma, her brain included. It's impossible to say how much."

"What's that mean?" Garrus asked dryly. He could feel the tension bunching his plates together. 

The doctor pursed his lips, his eye brows pulled a little closer together as he spoke. "It means that we can't predict what will happen. The brain is a very delicate thing, and hers is damaged."

"Is she going to make it?" His throat felt tight, his voice came out dry and off pitch. He swallowed hard as he waited for the man's reply, his heart beat whoosed in his ears. 

"She's going to be fine." Garrus let out a jagged breath, both larynx opened up again and he could breathe freely. The tension in his back loosened a bit, but not entirely. The man looked curious at Garrus' show of care. "But she may have lasting symptoms."

"Like?"

"Strokes, memory loss, mood swings, paranoia.." He shook his head a bit, "it's really hard to say, but add this with a dash of PTSD and we have a real monster on our hands."

"PTSD?" Garrus asked curiously, and the doctor nodded his head. 

"Yes. I believe with the Commander's history of battle and war that she will develop PTSD," he noted Garrus blank look, "Uhh, post traumatic stress disorder, caused by traumatic experiences, war, death.." When Garrus finally nodded in understanding he continued. "She is going to need assistance, every day, for the rest of her life."

"I can do that." Garrus blurted. After all she was his responsibility, he loved her and he'd do anything for her. The man looked at him with curious understanding. 

"Oh. You two are.." Garrus nodded kurtly before he could continue. "I see. This must be.." He trailed again, meeting his eyes steadily. Garrus noted the the man's pupils dilated when the light hit his eyes. "Here," the man pressed on his omni tool. "I'm sending you my personal email and a direct line to me. If you need anything in the future just shoot your questions my way."

Garrus locked the information away on his own omni tool. "Thank you."

"I'll make sure you get all the information you need on caring for someone with these disabilities." The word disabilities burned into his mind. Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy, may never be the same again. Was he prepared to deal with that? Hell yeah. 

"Thank you." He repeated. The doctor nodded with a smile. 

"I'll let you know when you can see her." The doctor offered his hand and Garrus clasped it firmly before retreating from the building. He found a quiet spot somewhere on the outskirts of camp and watched the sun as it set lower and lower over the horizon. The light kissed the top of broken buildings, and reflected off of pieces of steel that were exposed. 

Earth was quite beautiful. No radiation from the sun, the temperature was comfortable. He was thinking he could settle down here. They could settle down on the coast, somewhere quiet. They could watch the sun kiss the open water every evening before it slipped away into darkness. His mandibles flexed wide into an all turian smile at the thoughts. 

His omni tool beeped, scaring a gruff noise out of his chest. He clicked on the message as he caught his breath. It was the doctor, he said she was awake, that he could come now. Garrus repressed the urge to jump up and sprint to her room, instead standing and walking with a little control back towards the makeshift hospital. 

"Hey there, big guy." Her voice was weak as he entered the room. Her eyes were a bit unfocused, likely from drugs. 

"Hey." He walked over and pulled his seat back into place. She reached for him weakly and he gripped her hand tentatively as he sat down and rolled closer. His knees connected with cold metal under the bed, but he didn't care. 

"Sorry about that," she refferred to the incident earlier. 

"Oh, uh, that's okay." His mandibles widened in a smile, showing a bit of sharp teeth in the process. "Just don't make a habit of it."

She scoffed. "Yeah, I don't plan to." He lifted her hand to his mouth slowly and planted a tender kiss on her bruised knuckles. He had seen it on one of the vids, he assumed that it was a good thing by the way the woman had reacted. The smile on her lips reassured him he had assumed well. 

"I spoke with one of the doctors. He forwarded me a bunch of information on caring for you." Even saying that felt wrong. He had watched Shepard single handedly kill a Reaper, and countless other creatures, it didn't seem realistic that she would let him care after her.

She sighed. "That bad, huh?"

"Maybe not, love." The word came out strangely, not at all like he imagined it to. It had sounded good in his head, but he wasn't sure that the vids had been clear. They called each other all kinds of things, but he could be getting things mixed up. 

She cocked a scarred eyebrow. "You've been doing your research I see." He laughed nervously. 

"A little."

Shepard scooted over in the small bed and patted the matress beside her. "Come here," she grumbled. 

"Oh, I- I don't want to hurt you."

"Oh, shut up." She rolled her eyes. "You aren't going to hurt me."

He sat down softly on the matress and then laid down on his side, facing her. His legs were a little too long for the bed, and he had to bend his knees awkwardly to fit, but that didn't really matter. She rolled towards him with a soft hiss of pain. 

They looked into each others eyes for a time before she reached for his visor. He unclasped it and dropped it to the floor without her aid. Her eyes looked even more amazing without the haze of the visor over his eye. Her lips twitched upward in a smile. "I love you so much, Garrus." She trailed her hand softly down his face to the tip of his mandible. 

"I love you too, Carmen." She pressed her forehead softly against his own and sighed. "What is it?" 

"I was just thinking about what I'm going to do when I get out of here."

"I was thinking we'd stay here, on Earth I mean. Maybe settle somewhere on a coast by the ocean." His mind floated back to how beautiful the sun had looked setting over the buildings, lighting up the nearby clouds in strange hues of pink and orange, he could only imagine it's brilliance over the open water. 

She puffed out a laugh. "Us? Settle down? That I would like to see."

"Hey, why not?" he joked, "the war is over. We deserve a little peace." She didn't reply, just hummed softly. He wasn't done with this yet, but her skin was so warm against his forehead that it coaxed him somewhere comfortable enough to drift off to sleep. 

....

He woke up sometime after eight and looked over to her, she was looking through emails on her omni tool. "Good morning." She smiled over at him. He could get used to this, her being the first thing he saw in the morning, the last thing he saw before he fell asleep. His heart ached for that peaceful beach, a few krogan babies and maybe a dog. That was a popular pet among humans. He had seen them in alot of vids about family life among humans, they looked adorable. 

"Morning, babe." The word came out normal this time, almost casual. She smiled softly at his attempt at normalcy. 

"When can I get out of here?" Shepard asked, "I'm feeling trapped."

"I don't know," he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and scooped up his visor on his way to standing. "But that's a good question. I'll find someone who knows."

"Where are you going?" She looked at him sadly. 

"Breakfast," he replied. " A turian has to eat. And I'll see what I can find out about your release."

...

He wanted to look for a place, a house, somewhere to call home. Somewhere they could go when this was over. He told James and Kaidan that he wanted a place where he could watch the system's star set over the water. They recommended somewhere on the west coast of North America. 

He wasn't sure about any of that, but James showed him some photos on the extranet of places in California. California, he decided, looked beautiful. But then Kaidan interjected with photos of the coast in Canada, then some with snow floating softly down towards the ground. Both places were beautiful. 

It was a hard choice to make. Wasn't there somewhere in between? 

"Yeah, it's called Washington." Joker interupted sarcastically. 

"Washington," Garrus said the word carefully, drawing it out and giving it a good taste. Kaidan was already showing him pictures of Washington state by the time the word was out. A beach, beautiful, as the sun set low. Snow on the ground around a cabin. Forests of massive trees covered in fuzzy green moss. He hummed, a pleasant sound that used both larynx. "I think Washington will do nicely."

He wasn't allowed to see Shepard on that day. Tests to run, the doctor had said. When Garrus protested the doctor told him that they were ensuring she was getting better before releasing her. Unfortunately, space in the hospital was running out with more and more wounded people pouring in, so they needed to out process her in a hurry. 

So he spent most of the evening looking into this Washington place. After alot of research  and asking Kaidan alot of questions he finally decided on a place. A place near the beach, still secluded in the forest though. After checking in on his bank account he realized that he had alot saved up. 

He wanted to buy it outright, he had the funds to do so, but decided to sit on the idea awhile. He did pay a small fee to hold the place for seventy-two hours while he thought on it. 

He couldn't wait to start their lives, actually start their lives. The entire time he had known her they been running around trying to save everything they knew to exist. It would be nice to just get to be themselves, to just be together, without the threat of impending doom hanging over their heads like a bad joke. 

He also watched a few too many vids on human customs and how to solidify this relationship. I mean, it felt pretty solid to him, but he wanted her forever. In turian society they didn't really propose, but it seemed like a good gesture. Not yet though, it was too soon. She was still sick and broken, they needed time first. 

The first thing he did when his eyes opened the next morning was sling his legs over the side of the cot he had laid on and hit the ground running. Well, not running, but he headed straight for Shepard on quick feet. He couldn't wait to see her again. 

He entered her room unceremoniously and was shocked to see her sitting upright watching something on the net. Her face wasn't nearly as bruised, finally a dusting of freckles could be seen again. Her knuckles were almost pink and fleshy again, though a few stray cuts and nicks remained. 

"Hey." His mandibles stretched in a smile. 

"Hey there." She turned off her omni tool and looked his way. 

"You look-"

"Like shit," she interupted. 

He laughed a beat. "No. Better." 

"Yeah, that's because they've been injecting me full of meds to boost my immune system and make me heal faster." She looked at her casted arm. "This is hear for awhile though. I guess the bone was pretty wrecked."

He was barely hearing her, focusing on the way her green eyes lit up with life as she spoke. It was good to see her like this. Recovering. 

"Earth to Garrus," she waved her hand in front of him, and he snapped to attention. 

"I'm sorry, I was distracted." He smiled again. 

"Well, come here handsome." She motioned and he strode over, goofy smile following him the whole way. She grabbed him and yanked him down onto the bed beside her and then pulled at the armor around his neck, pulling him closer so she could kiss him. She slid her tongue over his tenderly and he tried to mimic her movements. He was unsure what all this kissing was about, but he couldn't complain. When she parted their lips she laid her head against his armored chest and sighed. 

Her hair covered most of her face and he felt the strong urge to brush it away. He traced his talons softly over delicate flesh and moved her red hair to the side so he could see the shape of her face. "You're.. beautiful." His mind finally provided a word that was sufficient.

She blushed and smiled as she sat back and looked into his eyes. He gazed back with amazement, how was he this lucky. "I love you, Garrus," she said softly as she pressed her forehead against his and closed her eyes. His eyes fluttered shut a moment later and a low humming sound escaped from his throat. She moved back a bit, prompting him to open his eyes. "What was that?" 

"A sign of affection," his mandibles twitched a little nervously after he spoke. 

She hummed. "I like it." 

"So after you get out," Garrus started, he wasn't really sure how to ask without asking. Last time he brought it up she danced around the question, seemed almost displeased with the idea of settling down. 

"I figured we would see what else there was to do," she stated, "There's always another battle to fight."

He looked at her broken body, remembered the stroke, the things the doctor had mentioned. He didn't want to mention that she might not be physically or mentally capable to fight anymore, that made it too final. "Carmen, I don't think that's a good idea. And besides, it's time we let someone else pick up the fight." 

She looked at the wall, hard lines etched into her face as thoughts tumbled through her mind. "Yeah, you're right," she finally grumbled, then looked back and connected her gaze with his eyes. "Maybe it's time we settle down." She looked down, her eyes got glossy as she contemplated her next words. "My glory days are over, huh?"

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders tightly. "No," he tried making her look at him, but she kept her eyes diverted at her lap, "they're just getting started."


	3. Chapter 3

She was never going to be the same. She was never going to be able to raise her sniper rifle with steady hands and blow the backside of some merc's skull out. It kept her awake, just thinking how she was never going to be whole again. Not in the same way, anyways. 

Thoughts of a new enemy rising and her being unable to make a stand, haunted her mind. The ides wafted through her thoughts, swirling around everything good and corrupting it into vile anger. She closed her eyes hard, making her mind focus on the good things rather than the bad. 

She tried to focus on Garrus, to focus on the people she cared about, but everytime she settled her mind on them, anger sparked up from somewhere dark inside of her. She unwittingly made a low guttural growl and threw the blanket off of her broken body. She pressed her hands to her forehead as hard as she could without pain springing into her broken arm. It didn't help, she didn't know what she expected. She always had been stubborn. 

She slung her legs off of the bed slowly and pressed her bare feet onto the dirty tile floor. She stood slowly, muscles stretched and joints popped as weight was put on them. The pain in her tired body was almost unbearable, and somehow standing upright hurt her ribs. She didn't care. She gritted her teeth and took a step, then another, and one more. She stopped and breathed in deep through her nose, focusing her eyes on the door. 

Carmen took another painful step and the wires connected to the heart monitor and IV in her hand became taunt, out of length. Anger ripped through her chest with red hot intensity. Her vision blurred and red spits burned through her vision as she reached down and ripped the needle from her hand. Then she yanked the cords connected to her chest free as well and slammed them weakly on the ground with a roar. The heart monitor immediately gave her away, a constant whining thrum radiated from it and warning her that doctors would be here soon. 

Somehow, Commander Shepard pushed her body harder and made it out the door and down the hall before the doctors could arrive. She could hear them yelling desperately and searching everywhere for her. Her heart pounded in her chest, anger bubbling over as they searched for her, she didn't want to be found. She wasn't broken, she could go on. She'd prove it. 

She hobbled on weak knees down the stairs and finally outside. She stood up straight, despite the pain it caused and breathe in deeply. The smell of dust and death assaulted her senses, but she welcomed it. If she closed her eyes she could almost imagine she was on some battlefield somewhere, completely comfortable in the throes of battle.

She heard the door behind her open, and swiveled back to see. There was a man there, breathing hard and looking over her desperately I'm search of new injuries. She didn't say anything, just turned her back on him and scanned her eyes over what was a Reaper free planet. The sun was rising to the east, she could see a few rays of light peeking up over the horizon, ready to take on the day. 

"Shepard," the man said softly, "you need to come back inside." She knew that, but she needed some time here, she needed to be out of that room. No, scratch that, she needed to be fighting. It's all she was good at.

"Just give me a minute," she replied in vain as the man touched her arm softly. 

"I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be out here," he pulled on her softly and she gave into it. He lead her carefully back up stairs, knowing offering a wheelchair and a simple ride up the elevator would be an insult to her. 

Once back inside her room, he helped her onto the bed and reinserted the IV into the top of her hand. He put a strip of tape over it as he made eye contact. "I wouldn't have thought you would make it all the way outside by yourself. Not in your shape."

"I tend to be full of surprises," she smiled weakly. The man nodded towards her abdomen and she sighed. After checking in on her wounds and reattaching the heart monitor, she was dozing off to sleep. 

...

"What the hell, Shepard!" Garrus stormed into the room, his plates bunched up in angry tension and the muscles in his neck tightened. "What did you think you were doing?" She wouldn't meet his eyes. She had expected this reaction from him, her actions had been selfish. His mandibles flexed uncomfortably as he waited for her to reply, but she continued to look at her hands in her lap. "Well?"

"I don't know," she said quietly, "I just.. I needed to.." she looked over to him briefly before hiding her gaze again, "I'm sorry." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. At the sight of them, his angry muscles relaxed and he sighed before walking over and sitting beside her on the small hospital bed. 

"It's okay," he put his hand around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. "I just worry."

"I know," she leaned her head against him. When she spoke again her voice vibrated through his armor. "I just needed to get out of here, I needed to prove to myself that I could." He listened in silence, she could say whatever she needed to, he understood. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"It's okay," he replied, smoothing his talons through her soft hair, watching the way the light was caught in each individual strand. Fascinating.  

She shook her head hard, ripping the strands from his talons. "No, it isn't. I was just so angry at myself and my inability to be.. me, I guess."

His heart ached at her words. He couldn't imagine what that was like. To know that you may never be able to do all you know how to do again. She was at home on the battlefield, and he knew how hard this was going to be for her. "You're still you, babe. You just need a new hobby is all."

She laughed softly. "A hobby, huh? Is that what you call war?" His mouth snapped shut and if he could frown he would have. 

"No, I just mean the war is over. It's time to move on. And hell, Carmen, we're going to have a real good time when you get out. There's alot of things a couple of old soldiers like us haven't done yet."

"Yeah, like what?" She smiled up at him and he sat back against the wall behind the bed so he could get a better look at her face. 

"Like go to some horrible films in the theaters," his mandibles flared fondly as he looked at her. "Maybe we'll go see the galaxy. Stop at more than a few bars. Go to some ballroom dances," she laughed softly and a few strands of hair fell over her burned skin. He reached up and trailed his talon softly over her cheek then brushed the hair back behind her ear. "Maybe start a family one day, own a dog or something." 

"A dog? Wow, you've really thought all this through." 

"Yeah, I guess I have," he replied with a short chuckle. 

"I love you, big guy."

He shifted his body where he could kiss her lips. "I love you too." His hand trailed down her cheek softly and she leaned into it. Despite her burned skin and bruised cheeks  she was still the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. His heart swelled with joy at the sight of her face, leaning into the palm of his hand, eyes closed, smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Completely trusting in him. 

...

It was the first time he had sat outside at night here on Earth. Crickets sung him a beautiful symphony dashed with the sounds of croaking frogs and other night time buzzes and songs. It was serene and peaceful, and his mind wandered to what it would be like in his newly bought home in Washington. 

The house's secluded location had kept it from being at all harmed during the invasion. He supposed that he didn't see any reason to not live there. It would be quiet, and far enough away from the noise of the city, though not too far. The closest city was only a five minute drive away. 

It was strange to him that there had been no other lifeforms to move into the area, but when he had asked the realtor about the lack of neighbors, she stated that the land had formerly been owned by a certain family. The land had been passed down the generations, and no one ever sold rights to the land, so the government couldn't build there. There were a few neighbors down the road, she had told him, so they weren't entirely alone, but mostly.  

Either way, after watching some vids on the house, and doing some research he decided why the hell not. He bought the house outright and was working on furnishings, when it occurred to him that she may not want to live with him. He looked up from his omni tool, mid-buy of a coffee table, and gazed into the dark of the night. He had hope that the answer would pop out at him from the chirping of the crickets, or perhaps the twinkle of the stars. Neither the crickets nor the stars replied to his empty request. 

...

"Well damn!" James hollered at the sight of Shepard half hobbling half walking down the steps and into the makeshift cafeteria they were waiting in. The others watched her observantly, hoping that if she should slip up they would be quick enough to catch her. 

"Shepard," Kaidan nodded as he stepped out of her way and motioned towards the table. Everyone moved out of her way as she walked, and it was beginning to irk her. She didn't want sympathy, she wanted them to motivate her. 

"Damnit guys," her face started turning red with anger as Liara stepped back from her. "I don't have the fucking plague."

"Shepard, we didn't mean-"

"Yeah, save it," she made hard eye contact with Liara and then continued on towards the table. Garrus stood near the table, watching everything with critical blue eyes. She came up to James and punched him weakly on the arm, he feigned minimal pain. "Stop being such pussies," she smiled, "I'm not broken, just a little banged up." 

"Alright, Commander," James punched her back, but only softly. Since she didn't shatter into a million shimmering pieces at his weak punch or even wince, everyone kind of relaxed and could stand to be a little closer to her. 

"So what's for lunch? It's been so long since I had real food."

"Sorry to disappoint, Commander," Joker sat across from her with smiling eyes ad he passed a warm MRE her way on a plastic plate. 

She tore into the biscuits and gravy like nobody's business. Everyone chatted calmly over their breakfast. Garrus sat beside her and chewed a bar of something she was sure wasn't digestible for most everyone here. 

"It is good to see you, Commander," Javik said from the end of the table. She noted that he and Liara were sitting a little too close for friendly comfort. 

"Thank you," she smiled around a bite of biscuit, "it's good to see everyone again, but what are you all doing here? Don't you want to go home?" She looked to Tali and Liara. 

"We wanted to make sure you were okay first, Shepard," Tali responded for them both. Carmen smiled again as she turned her attention back to her plate of quickly disappearing food. 

"So what about that house, Garrus? Any news?" James asked. Garrus looked at him disdainfully across the table and took another bite of his food bar, hoping that Shepard hadn't heard. 

"House?" Shepard looked between the two of them and James cleared his throat as he stared down his plate. She looked over to Garrus who was still looking at James, thinking through everything at light speed while he chewed. "House? What house?" she repeated. 

"Well," Garrus said uncomfortably, "I bought a house. For us." He waited for her reply with a pounding heart. 

"What?" She looked shocked. She sat up straight and turned her body towards him slightly. 

"I bought a house," he repeated. 

"I heard you," she snapped. "Where? How?" So many questions. 

"Washington, and with creds."

"Washington?" 

His heart beat got harder, whooshing in his ears as he spoke. "I thought that you would be happy.."

Her face softened and she put her hand on top of his thigh. "I'm sorry, this is just a surprise. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise, I guess."

"Oh," she looked down. "It is, but we could have discussed it. Split the price maybe."

Split the price? That's all she was worried about. "So, I guess I should have asked if you wanted to love with me," he chuckled. 

"Yeah, a bit. But I do, so it's okay," she took another bite of food and everyone around the table took a breath. "Can I see it?" 

"No," Garrus exclaimed, "I mean not yet, I still want that part to be a surprise." She hummed in response, but otherwise said nothing. He couldn't exactly tell what to think by her reaction. 

"So have you heard from Rannoch?" Shepard turned her gaze to Tali, happy to change the subject. 

"Yes," Tali replied, "the geth all deactivated when you destroyed the Citadel. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm sad that they're  gone. We were finally at peace with them."

"I considered that," Shepard replied. She caught James examining her burns and snapped her eyes on him. He quickly looked away. "But I decided in the end that it easy the only way, I'm sorry." With that she locked onto Joker. He nodded softly, letting her know she was forgiven, even if she wouldn't forgive herself for the pain she had brought him. 

...

"Hell, Garrus, you could have gave us a warning," James said. 

"Come on, James. It wasn't that bad," Kaidan chimed in. 

"I thought it would be good for you to see her," Garrus snapped. 

"Well, I was just a little shocked by how bad she looked is all."

"She survived the citadel exploding! Not to mention the Reaper.. of course she looks bad," Kaidan popped off. 

"Yeah, but her face."

"What?" Garrus almost growled the word, offended at his statement. "She's alive, that's all that matters." 

"Yeah, of course," James replied, "it's just hard to look at."

"Then don't stare," Kaidan supplied the response. 

"And what about her reaction to the house."

"I don't know. It doesn't matter," Garrus replied kurtly, ending the argument. 

"Fine, fine." James walked away head held high, but pride a little injured. 

"He's an ass," Kaidan crossed his arms as he watched him go then looked to Garrus. 

"He's just anxious to get moving," Garrus replied with understanding. He looked over to Kaidan who was looking past him. "Tell Joker that you can all go home, you should be with your families."

Kaidan uncrossed his arms and stood a little higher. "What? No. We can't just leave Shepard." 

"She's going to be fine," Garrus flared his mandibles into what he hoped was perceived as a smile. "We'll throw a house party when we get her home. You're all invited." Kaidan nodded softly, he knew how much everyone was wondering about home, about their own cities and families. Garrus offered his hand and Kaidan grasped it firmly. A formal farewell for two old friends. 

Garrus watched with a strange type of sadness as the Normandy took to the sky. He watched it fly away until he could no longer see it. They had finally did it, the war with the Reapers was finally over. Forever. Never again would they threaten life in the galaxy. He was overwhelmed with pride for his lover. If not for Shepard he was certain the Reapers would still be here, destroying every advanced lifeform in the galaxy. 

..

"They all left?"

"Yeah, I thought they should go home," Garrus replied. A strange concoction of emotion spread across her face as she considered. First her cheeks bloomed with red hot anger, burning through her freckles and highlighting the green of her eyes, but then the anger faded and despair pulled hard lines into her face. Finally, she softened and nodded with a soft smile. 

"They should be home, it's just so.." So what? All of her reasons were selfish. "Strange. That it's over I mean."

"We'll see them again. After all we can throw house parties whenever we want now."

She snorted. "That's true."

"So," Garrus plopped down beside her on the bench were she sat looking over the dusty concrete and bullet pocked outer wall of the surrounding buildings. "You about ready to get out of here?"

"Hell yes," she replied. He out his arm over her shoulders and she leaned her head into his cheek. "I'm so sick of the hospital." He chuckled at the irony of her statement. 

"Well, the good doctor says you will probably be good to go in a few days."

"Did he really? God, I can't wait."

"Me either," Garrus replied excitedly. And in truth, he really couldn't. He had no idea what life was like outside of Palaven, and he knew little of it even there. He definitely had no idea what settling down with a human would be like. As far as he knew, they may very well be the first. The whole settling down thing had never appeased to him before, but then she came along and everything changed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains violent depictions and non consensual rape of a minor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW (non-con) MARKED BY ASTRIDS ***

Earth slums:

She scurried down the alleyway and away from the sound of drunken men hollering, and glass breaking. It could be assumed by the intensifying yelling that they were now being thrown out of the bar. 

She had found nothing in the trash bin behind the bars tonight, they must be getting smarter, or someone beat her too it. Earlier that day she did find a stale slice of nibbled on bread in the park. She figured someone had left it for the birds, but somehow it ended up uneaten. Maybe a blessing, maybe coincidence. 

She made her way silently around a corner and into a darker alleyway. She just needed to get across town, the volunteer at the homeless shelter would be wondering about her. She hadn't meant to stay out this late, but hunger had driven her to search longer for food. Sometimes people would offer small things, a couple of credits, a cheap burger, a bottle of water. None of those happened today. In fact one man saw her sitting on the concrete outside of a building and actually spit on her and cussed at her for "not just getting a fucking job".

She had wanted to kill him, to rip that stupidly satisfied grin right off of his face. Instead she had said, "thanks for the advive, mister." It was satisfying enough seeing his face turn deep red as he stalked off, his insult being insulted was apparently too much for him to deal with. In the dark of the alleyway, she grinned at the thought. 

Just a few more blocks and she'd be there. These back alleys were almost always empty anyway, they only held occasional garbage bins that belonged to companies that didn't carry food. Useless to almost everyone who lived on the street. She made her way around the next corner and picked up the pace, no use in dilly dallying. 

She walked past a wall light, and as soon as she did it blinked out. Her eyes were cast into darkness and for a moment she was walking blind. She stopped a second, hoping  to let her eyes adjust to the new dark. She held her breath the whole time, sight was her best sense and without it..

****************************************

"Hey there, little girl." She turned around quickly her eyes barely adjusted to the dark. Her muscles tensed, ready to fight, but saw no one. She scanned every dark corner of the alleyway behind her, but no one was there. She dropped her hands. She turned back in the direction she was headed, and stepped right into a figure. 

The big man slid his arm around her quickly. She started to scream, but his hand slid over her mouth, snuffing out the sound under his grimy fingers. He laughed, a horrible rasping sound that scraped jaggedly up her ear canal. His breath stank of whiskey and lack of dental hygiene. The smell of it escaping his mouth as he struggled to keep a hold on her made her stomach lurch. Her mouth started to water with the sickening precursor to vomiting. Bile and stale bread burned it's way up her throat and into her mouth. She tried to open her mouth, to spit it out, but only some of the vile liquids made their way out of her lips before it slid back down her throat. 

He laughed again as he pulled her flailing body further into the alley. The vomit dripping off of his black fingers had little to no effect on his intentions as he barely regarded it at all. She kept trying to scream, but hardly any sound was getting out. She tried flailing her arms, but one of them was caught under his unwanted embrace. The other slung around wildly, almost never connecting with any part of the man. 

Finally, she felt his arm loosening, but his dirty hand never left her mouth. Before she could act, she felt the cold steel of a blade press against her lower back. "Not a peep or I'll cut, ya," he cackled again as he put a little pressure behind the blade. The sharp metal bit into her skin, but never broke through. 

His hand slid from her face. She took a gasp of cool air and welcomed the taste of the old alleyway. She didn't say anything, too afraid of what the mysterious man might want. She could feel his eyes on her, and she waited patiently for him to speak. Time stretched on, and her stomach started to knot up the longer he didn't speak. She could hear him breathing hard through an open mouth, could faintly smell the sickening smell of his breath. 

"Don't move." She could hear him looking for something, but she wasn't sure what. The blade at her back slid around slightly as he dug in one of his pockets. She winced against the pain, but didn't move. If he were to stab her here, she may be paralyzed or even killed. Her only option was survival, at any cost. 

He slid something around her wrist, and then pulled the blade back long enough to do the other. She realized too late that it was a dirty piece of cloth, and he had used it to tie her wrists. Her heart threatened to rupture and time slowed down as she realized what was happening. Adrenaline flooded through her body, giving her a moment of clarity. She made a whimper  
and tried to move away, but he swiftly kicked her legs out from under her.

She fell hard onto her knees and yelped in pain. He pounced on her, flipped her body over and straddled her waist. Her legs were pinned, and now she was completely at his mercy. He tsked at her as he waggled the blade in front of her face one would with their finger as they scolded a child. "I told you.. not a peep." 

He angled the blade down towards her chest, which was now rapidly rising and falling in a desperate attempt to get enough air. Her eyes grew wide as he lowered the blade and pressed it softly against her old blue t-shirt. Her heart pounded hard against her ribs. She wanted to scream, but knew that would only make it worse.

The man cut through her shirt and then ripped it open, revealing her bra and bare belly. He grinned with nasty, broken teeth as he slid the knife under the center piece of her bra. The fabric snapped easily when he pulled the blade upwards and cold air nipped at her breasts. "Now, now.." His eyes scanned over the exposed flesh hungrily, making her world tip to the side as vertigo took over. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes to keep from vomiting again. 

Suddenly, the man shoved something in her mouth, a piece of her t-shirt. She was going to die, is what she thought right then. A sob got caught in her throat as the man brought his dirty face down a few inches from hers. "I can't let ya get away with breaking the rules, Red." His words sent ice down her spine as he sat back and put the blade right above her hip bone. She braced herself for the pain the she was sure she was about to endure. 

The grimy man sliced across the soft flesh quick and at first she felt nothing. She watched as blood pulsed from the wound, and then her brain caught up and white hot pain slithered up her body. Her back arched against the pain. A scream tried to squeeze up her throat but she caught it in time that only a small whimper escaped. 

The man laughed again as he traced the underside of her breasts with the tip of his bloodied blade. It left trails of blood and small red marks where he slid it across her skin. Her mind was thrown into panic mode as she noticed the pressure coming from his groin as it pressed down on her body. She tried wiggling around, tried kicking her legs and throwing her body back and forth but she couldn't get loose. 

"Now, now," the man's voice was gruff and low with hunger as he spoke. He brought his face down closer to hers before he spoke again. "You see my dilemma, huh? Well," he pushed his buldge against her a little harder,"luckily, you're here to help." His disgusting breath assaulted her nostrils, making her gag.

He threw her over onto her belly and yanked her pants down. She tried to beg, but her words were muffled by the makeshift gag he had shoved in her mouth. Tears welled up in her eyes as she felt his clammy flesh touch the backside of her naked buttocks. She tried squirming away, but he grabbed her legs and yanked her back against him. His growth pressed against her and she flinched. 

The man grunted as he pulled her back onto her back, revealing the entirety of her naked body, blood still pulsed from the cut on her hip, and small red lines peeked out from under her breasts where the knife had traced. He yanked her legs open and pulled her towards him, despite her thrashing. "You're gonna like it, pretty girl," he gruffed. As he pressed his filthy shaft against her folds. 

She screamed against her cloth gag in disgust, throwing her head back and forth. The man grinned with rotten teeth as he wiggled his penis just between her folds. She looked at him through blurry eyes, mustering up her best look of pity. 

*******************************************

Suddenly, the man's head exploded. His eyes popped out of the front of his face, followed by pieces of skull fragment and a whole mess of brain matter. The pulpy mess of blood and brain splatterred across her face and naked chest. His body fell forward onto her belly and she tried to wriggle out from under him, but his body was heavy. Far too heavy for a sixteen year old girl to push off. 

Blood poured from his head and covered her midsection. The sight made her sick, the corners of her vision started to get dark. Small black spots spread across her vision as her mind tried to take in everything. She tried one more time to push his body off, but she was weak, her consciousness was fading. 

She woke up sometime later, just inside of a dimly lit abandoned building. Her eyes snapped open wide and she jumped up, her mind still back in the alleyway. She was no longer naked nor covered in blood, and she pulled up an old baggy white and blue t-shirt to examine her cut. The wound had been crudely stitched up, and it looked like some medigel had been applied as well. The slick fluid she felt when she touched it, confirmed what she thought. 

"Feeling better?" A startled noise ripped up her throat and she jumped back against the wall to get away. "Hey, hey," the man that belonged to the voice stepped forward slowly, palms showing as he made careful eye contact. 

"Who are you?" She didn't relax at the sight of his exposed palms, she had learned to never trust anyone. 

"I'm Lieutenant Berkley with the Alliance." His brown eyebrows twitched upward, making his face stretch into strange lines. 

"The Alliance? What are you doing here?"  The man pursed his lips and gave her hard eyes, his eyebrows came to rest right over his eyes, dispersing the formerly strange look. Whatever he had been doing here, he obviously hoped to keep it a secret.

"It doesn't matter." He still held his hands up with his palms out. She relaxed a little, she didn't think he was a threat, but she didn't trust him quite yet. For all she knew, he saw what was happening and killed the man so he could have her to himself. Then again, he brought her here, patched her up and dressed her. Why would he do that if he planned to use her?

"I guess it doesn't." Her eyes were suspicious still, but he gathered that she had relaxed a little. He dropped his hands and left the room in careful steps. She didn't leave the wall, but watched the doorway carefully for him to return. 

He stepped back into view slowly. She immediately noted the bag that he held, a grocery bag. Her mouth watered with the thought of what might be inside of it. The man sat down against the far wall and put the bag down beside him. "I've got some goodies in this bag. They're for you. But first, your name."

"Carmen," her eyes were locked onto the bag, but she ripped them away long enough to make eye contact with him. "Carmen Shepard."

"Well, Carmen Shepard," Berkley smiled softly, a small thing that barely twitched the corners of his mouth. He nodded to the bag, "it's all yours."

The ache in her belly was stronger than her distrust of this man. She stepped away from the wall carefully and made her way slowly to his side of the room. She was careful to keep out of arms reach, but still her heart pounded in her ears. She sat down against the wall a good five feet away and waited for him to push the bag towards her. 

She ripped through the plastic in desperation and pulled out a perfectly made peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She took a big bite and closed her eyes as the pleasing flavors carrassed her senses. She sighed in absolute ecstacy as she chewed. She finished the whole sandwich in under a minute, then decided to save the rest for later. She looked over to the man gratefully. 

"Thank you." Her heart swelled with joy and her eyes filled with tears. 

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." He hid his eyes as he spoke, obviously wishing he hadn't seen it, but also glad that he had stumbled upon it. 

"If you hadn't came along.." she didn't want to finish that sentence, that thought even. She shuddered.

"It's what I do," he replied earnestly. A sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips, implying something she didn't understand at the time. 

"That why you joined the Alliance? To save homeless teenage girls from certain death?" 

He laughed dryly, his ears lifting with the movement, and tickling the fringes of his light brown hair. "Not exactly, but yeah." She laughed too, but it was a strange sound, nervous and out of place. "I joined to save lives." 

"Noble of you," she relaxed finally, her muscles releasing their tension and her lungs filling with musky air.

Berkley just sighed. She didn't understand why he sounded so sad with her response. Forr some reason she was concerned with him approving of her. "Where are your parents?"

"I think they're dead, but I don't remember."

"What?" He looked surprised, but his eyes were sad. 

"I've been on my own since I was four. I don't remember my parents. I only remember my name because of a hospital bracelet that I was wearing in my first memories. For all I know they just decided I wasn't worth the trouble. But I think they're dead, because of the bracelet. Maybe that's why I can't remember."

Berkley frowned deeply, the pull etched hard unhappy lines into his face making him look far older than he was. He said nothing, but that was okay. She assumed that he didn't know what to say. 

"Anyway," she looked at the far wall, "It doesn't really matter. It's just me now."

"Not anymore," His face was hard as he looked over at her. "I'll make sure you're fed and have somewhere to sleep from now on. No child should have to live like this."

"I'm not a child!" she argued. 

"Yes. You are." His look said to not question him. She snapped her mouth shut, but only out of gratefulness for his charity. 

"Thank you," she whispered, emotion thick in her voice. 

"It's what I do." He replied softly. 

It's what I do. 

.... 

Present:

He looked over to her as he drove, she looked out the window, biting at her lip. Her eyes were vacant and her face was slack of emotion. He knew the look, he knew Shepard was a million miles away from here. Her mind had floated somewhere ugly. Her memories never left her, she only wished that she could block out the putrid memories of her miserable life. 

The memories were as a festering wound that she refused to see the doctor for. They plagued her even in moments that she should be happy or at least be enjoying. Garrus understood, he gave her the space she needed, he never prodded for information. He chose to stay silent, though he did let out a distressed sigh. Nothing that he could or would say would bring her back to him right now. 

He opened the door for her and offered his hand. The cold air outside of the shuttle rushed in. The feel of it embracing her cheek snapped her back to the present. She blinked a few times and life came back to her eyes as she looked around quickly. She took a deep breath, breathing in the cold air. The autumn breeze carried the smell of dying leaves and promises of cozy days on the new sofa. Shepard smiled as she placed her hand in his and he helped her delicately out of the shuttle Joker had left for them to use. 

She stopped in front of the vehicle and leaned into him, smiling as she looked at their new home. He wrapped his arm around her snuggly and pressed his face against the top of her head. Her wounds were almost healed, his touches no longer had to be so carefully placed. Even though she smiled at the sight of this house, their new home together, his heart pounded anxiously. 

The wind threw a gust of chilly air in their direction, brushing her hair back in the breeze. A few strands slithered on his skin in the dying breeze, a welcome sensation. "Well, I do love the view, but I was hoping to go in." 

She snorted. "Smart ass."

"Better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass," he replied with a smile. He led her up the steps and dug in his pocket for the key. The house was old, and it still had a physical lock and keys. In all honesty this was a strength, not many people knew of them anymore. 

He swung the door open carefully, holding it open as she entered. A breeze pushed the crisp air in before he could get the door shut, and he shuddered as it wisped around him. Turians aren't made for anything less than one hundred degree weather. He hung his coat on a wall mounted coat rack beside the door. When he turned back, she was absent. 

For a moment his heart stopped, fear crawling it's icy claws up his spine. "Babe?" His voice was low, the smell of worry wafted up around him in tendrils of a bitter and musky stench.

"I'm right here," she replied from a doorway to the right. Immediately his anxiety eased and the stench of his worry wafted away. "Don't worry, I'm not running anywhere." 

The light from the room behind her poked out around her edges, lighting her up in an ambience glow. Her scars were brought into the light, but he didn't see them as imperfections. They were marks of battles and damages from accidents. The marks on her body told a story and he loved every one of them. She was who she was for what she had endured. 

"What?" Her eyebrow lifted in curiosity and she canted her head. Soft locks of red hair slid down over the scarred skin of her cheek. The burns had heeled nicely, but she would always be marked by the kiss of the flames. 

"You're so beautiful," the words came out low, followed by a sound of endearment that hummed in his throat. His visor zoomed in on the way her pupils opened up a little at his words, her face lighting with a soft blush. She padded over to him on soft, bare feet. She wrapped her arms around him, resting her face against his chest as her hands traced soft circles on his carapace through his shirt. 

"God, I love you so much," she said softly, her head still rested against his chest, listening to his heart beat, strong and steady. 

That low humming sound slid up both larynx again as he spoke, vibrating in her ears. "I love you too." 

She stepped back and smiled before she looked around the living area. "This is all ours." She smiled again. 

"Yeah," he grinned, mandibles flexing wide enough to show sharp teeth. "And have you seen the bedroom?" His tone suggested his impure thoughts. 

She laughed. "I did, but I wouldn't mine looking again." 

"I was hoping you might say that." He kissed her on the cheek, more of a bump since turians don't have lips, but she knew the meaning. 

She held his hand as she led him down the hall and into their bedroom. The look on her face as he pushed open the door was seductive and wanting. She entered the room first and then pulled him into a kiss. His talons came up and traced down her face softly, making her shiver in want. 

She plopped down on the bed and he slid on top of her carefully, still wary of her injuries. He rested his forehead against her own and just breathed her in. Happiness swelled up in his chest, and a citrus scent surrounded him. She shifted under him and pressed her lips against his mouth. 

Once he gave into her kiss she moved her lips away and nipped at his neck. He growled playfully as he tipped her chin up and forced her lips back onto his mouth. She smiled around her kiss, a soft laugh escaping her lips. 

"So demanding," she grumbled against his lips. 

"Oh, you have no idea," he purred playfully. 

"Prove it," she said teasingly. Her lips brushed against his skin deliberately, tempting him further. His heart pounded with desire, the feeling overpowering his body. His double larynx vibrated as a sound of desire slid up his throat. 

"I will," he said around the sound of purring want.


	5. Chapter 5

A knock on the door yanked Shepard from her thoughts, she blinked hard and looked down at the cup of tea in her hands, long gone cold. Her mind slowly moved back into the present. She was in Washington, in their house. Not Akuze. Not Virmire. Not Rannoch or Thessia. Here. 

Garrus was sitting in a recliner across from her, watching a vid on the TV. Her eyes focused on him and reality started to come back into focus. She was here. 

Another round of knocking. Garrus stood up, his eyes never leaving her, "You alright?" She nodded softly, confused at what he meant by that question, she was alright. Always alright, had to be. "I'll get the door then." He strode over to the door in just his sweatpants, but threw on a shirt before he opened the door. 

"Didn't expect to find you here, Garrus." 

"Grunt!" Garrus offered his hand and Grunt gripped it firmly. "It's good to see you. But what are you doing here?"

"I came to see Shepard," Grunt said casually, his eyes held a hint of worry though. Strange for a krogan, but not so strange for Grunt. 

"Of course. Come in," Garrus smiled as he held open the door for him. 

Shepard was already standing and Grunt met her halfway, wrapping her in a relieved hug. Krogan hugs aren't particularly comfortable or practical. Krogan are bulky and heavy, their arms are strong and their plates are scratchy, even through the clothes he wore. It was strange to see him out of armor, but he probably thought the same of Garrus. 

"Good to see you, Grunt," Shepard murmured from under the mass of his arms. She winced against the pain of his hug, but she welcomed it nonetheless. 

"I was worried, Shepard." Grunt released her and stepped back, standing awkwardly in their living area. "They told me you died. Only just learned the truth."

"It's alright," she smiled, "just glad you're here now. It's good to know you made it." 

The silence fell over the room like a warm blanket. No one knew what to say. She saw Grunt evaluating her, looking at her burned face, catching glimpses at the bandage that stuck out from under her shirt and at the cast on her arm. She looked weak, fragile even. She was aware, but she didn't want him to be. 

"Well," Garrus half laughed-half coughed, "grab a seat," he motioned towards the couch, then locked eyes with Shepard, "I'll get some drinks." His mandibles flexed lightly in a smile and she returned it. 

Halfway through a bottle of Jack her mind tilted on its stilts and threatened to topple her over. Everything was fuzzy and giddy, it felt good. It had been awhile since she felt good. Grunt had made a quick order for some Ryncol, and he was quickly putting it away. Garrus was drinking whatever it is dextros drink, it was bright green and smelled terrible. 

"And then," Grunt swiped his arms out dramatically, spilling some of his drink onto the floor. "With only two bullets in my shotgun, I ran into the horde of Cannibals. They put up a hell of a fight, but one guess who made it out." He grinned, showing the whites of his teeth. 

"Impressive," Garrus hiccuped, his eyes lighting up with care when they landed on Shepard. "Shepard here, took out a Reaper on foot."

Grunt looked at her expectantly, his jaw slightly unhinged in surprise. "How?"

"Well," she laughed a beat, "Garrus is exaggerating a little. I had help from the Quarian fleet and the Normandy."

"Yeah, yeah," Garrus swiped his hand through the air dismissively. "Don't let her downplay it. It was totally badass. Not to mention the human Reaper at the Collector base."

Grunt slammed his fist into his palm and gleamed a smile. "Reapers never stood a chance against us."

"Nah, they couldn't expect Shepard." Garrus fluttered his mandibles into a grin, "or the krogan." Grunt grinned again. 

"How is Urdnot?" She interupted. Speaking of the krogan gave her a viable chance to change the subject. 

"Good. Even better since you cured the genophage. Never thought I'd see that happen, but you always come through."

She turned her eyes away. She still felt wrong, like her skin didn't fit onto her form right. Maybe it was the injuries, maybe it was the absence of violence. She wasn't entirely sure. Either way, she was done being glorified and it showed in her pained expression. 

"Well, Garrus was the one who managed to piss off the three biggest merc gangs in the galaxy," she motioned to him and his smile fell a few octaves, she didn't remember why that would upset him at that moment. 

"Yeah, but I didn't do it alone," he replied. His eyes turned hard as the sentence ended, and she remembered too late that his entire squad had been murdered. Betrayed by one of their own. 

"Shit," Shepard reached for him but missed his knee and almost fell off of the couch, luckily Grunt grabbed her shoulder to keep her from falling. "I forgot, I mean, I didnt.." Her shoulder ached from his vice grip, but she dismissed the pain, put it on a back burner.

Garrus shook his head and cut it off. He was done discussing that. "So where's everyone else these days?" Grunt asked, an attempt to lighten the mood. 

"They're good, actually," Garrus slapped his smile back on, his eyes softened again. "I think that Javik, the Prothean, went with Liara back to Thessia. Everyone else just went home."

"What about frog boy? Thane?" 

A twinge of pain shot through Shepard. "Well, Keprals Syndrome.." Garrus trailed, unsure how to finish that. Thane had been a friend, had fought until the end. Rage peeked up from somewhere deep and the look on Kai Leng's face when she finally ended him. That's for Thane, you son of a bitch. 

"Damn," Grunt shook his head sadly, "he helped us finish the Rite. Tough, even for a drell." Everyone nodded silently. 

Shepard's eyes got glossy, tears swelled over their barriers and trailed down her cheeks. Grunt looked at her strangely, but said nothing. Garrus came over to sit beside her and squeezed her knee reassuringly. 

"Maybe I should go," Grunt said. 

"No, you shouldn't," Shepard replied, demanded actually, through her tears. Her mind was slipping, the splash of Ryncol on the floor was blue reminding her of turian blood. Her mind slid further away, their voices becoming foggy and not understandable. 

"Garrus!" She ran towards him, sliding hard on her knees the last few steps. A pain twinged in her side, and she winced against it. Buckshot from that krogan berserker had bit straight through her armor. 

Blood pooled around Garrus' head. Harsh blue against the dirty white tile floor. "Garrus," she almost whispered. No no no! I can't lose him, she thought. He took a ragged breath and his eye gleamed up through his visor, unfocused and landed on her a beat. 

She rolled him over. Shit. His face, it was just a bloody pulp of burned skin and his mandible was broken, prodding out of the gangly flesh daunting her. "Normandy," Shepard called through the comms, "We need extraction, send a shuttle." His other eye was lost somewhere within what was left of his face. Her heart thud dedicated hard in her chest, her breaths felt forced against the inside of her armor. 

Somehow she hoisted him up, his full weight pressed against her side. 

"Miranda, medigel, bandage. Now!" Miranda obeyed silently and pressed a bandage against the side of his face. He groaned, but otherwise didn't protest. "Let's move!" 

"Shepard," Garrus said softly. She looked up to meet his eyes absently and he put his hand on her cheek softly. The touch yanking her out of the memory and back to the present. Her eyes scanned his face. Scarred but whole. "Where are you right now?" A sob ripped through her body as soon as he asked and she pressed her body into his side. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and looked at Grunt over her shoulder. Grunt nodded to the door, motioning that he was going to leave now. 

"I'll come back tomorrow, Shepard," Grunt said on his way to the door. He turned back one last time and his eyes connected with Garrus', no words were needed here. His look held everything that needed to be said. That he was worried, that he wanted to make sure Garrus could take care of her. Even if Grunt wouldn't admit it, he cared about her. She was important to him, more than anyone else he had met. Garrus nodded softly, reassuring Grunt that he could hold his own. 

When she finally calmed, Garrus stroked her hair. His mind was fuzzy and dull with the influence of alcohol, but nothing could change his caring for her. "Shepard, where are you?"

She took a trembling breath and squeezed her eyes shut. "Different places."

"Tell me one," he didn't remember reading about this in any of the info the doctor had sent, but it seemed like the right thing to do. He helped her sit up, he needed her to see him, to know he was real and he was here. 

"Eden Prime," she shuddered. He waited patiently for her to continue, he ran a talon softly over the top of her hand as he waited. "Jenkins. He died because I wasn't quick enough. I wasn't prepared, I wasn't sharp and he paid the price. Fucking Geth. Then when I saw those.. things. Husks. For the first time." She shuddered again and closed her eyes. "Then Virmire.." she didn't finish that. She didn't have to, he was there. 

"When we went to Horizon," she locked eyes with him. "They were there again. They used to be people, Garrus." She shook her head hard and looked away. "Alot of people died waiting on me to do my job."

"Shepard, you saved the galaxy," he reasoned. 

"Not to those people," she stated. Sour spit built up in her mouth, her anger spewing up to the top. She felt her worthless amp heating up at the base or her skull. She shut her eyes against it reaching out to touch it mentally and wishing that all of her abilities weren't gone now. All she could do was reave, now. No longer could she charge, or use singularity. She never would again.

The cold calculus of war, Garrus had called it. She had argued her case, saying that bringing the lives down to numbers made them no better than the machines. 

Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer. 

Those words had never hit home until now. Javik was right. She repeated the phrase over and over in her mind until Garrus spoke again. It reverberated inside of her mind, banging against her consciousness, begging to be used. 

He sighed, unsure what to say. That's war, people die so more people can live, but he knew saying that wouldn't help her. "You have to let it go, Carmen. There's nothing else you could have done."

"Is that what you did when you lost your squad? You let it go?" She spat the words out, anger filling her up and flowing over the edges. Her words stung, like a carefully aimed arrow straight through the heart. His mandibles tightened, flat against his face and he tried not to growl through his gritted teeth. 

"That's not the same," he replied coldly. 

"Why not?"

He laughed dryly and dropped her hand. "I'm not even going to answer that."

"Because you know it's true. People depended on us, and we let them down."

"No." Garrus stood from the couch and turned his stoney gaze on her. "They died because they were betrayed! We were all betrayed, Shepard. The people that died 'because' of you, died because people die in war." He put finger quotations around because, meaning that she had nothing to do with it. 

"They died because I was too slow, too unfocused."

"No. Most of them died because they wouldn't listen when we told them about the Reapers. The others died because you were, dead," his voice trailed off into a whisper at the end and he turned his back to her. His heart swelled with despair and he dropped his head, turning away from her. Her death pressed him to become Archangel. He didn't believe it when he saw her coming over that bridge. It couldn't be her, he had reasoned, she's dead. 

She was silent a long beat. A moment that her heart beat hard in her ears, blocking out all sounds. One look at his defeated form, and guilt swallowed her whole. Shame twisted it's way up her spine with its cold fingers, prodding at every nerve along the way. She stood and stepped closer to him. She wrapped her hands around him and rested her head against his carapace. The rough plates were all bunched together in anger and tension, despair and shame, but she felt then soften a little at her embrace. 

He brought his hand up and trailed his talons along her uncasted arm. "I'm sorry, Garrus.. I shouldn't have.."

"I'm sorry too, Shepard." He didn't explain himself, but somehow she knew what he meant. He was sorry that she was broken down, that she was beaten by life. That he couldn't make it stop. She sighed and closed her eyes. 

"It was wrong of me to say that," she murmured the words, too emotional to speak any louder, "We both know it wasn't your fault that your squad was betrayed. I was angry." She tried to justify her words in her mind, but there was no justification for what she had said to him. It was a low blow, and she regretted it. 

"I appreciate that, Shepard." His use of her name like that, like they were back on the Normandy before Sovereign, it struck a cord deep in her soul. What had she done? 

He stepped away from her and didn't look back as he walked down the hall towards their bedroom. She stood stark still, her hands clenched into fists. Her fingernails dug into the soft skin of her palm, but she welcomed the pain. She deserved it. 

She heard the shower turn on, but she remained still, trying to reclaim herself. She wore a ragged, bloody hole into her lip and continued to prod at it anyway.

"Why did you do that?" She asked herself quietly. "Why, why, why did you say that?" She shook her head hard, she tried to unclench her fists, tried to stop gnawing at her lip, tried to slow her harsh breaths. Nothing obeying her, she wasn't in control anymore. She felt the rush of biotic energy pulsing over her, filling her mouth with sour spit, and tingling over her skin and pulsing through her appendages. 

It didn't matter, her amp no longer obeyed her, she could only reave now. Why she wasn't sure, but no longer could she pull, no longer could she charge. Those days ended when she died. The first time she tried to use her biotic after waking up, her amp fizzled and released a pulse of uncontrolled energy out of her hand. She tried again, but the amp was too hot, and it merely fizzled and got hotter. Yeah, she was an infiltrator, she could scope down an enemy from two hundred meters away, but she had been a biotic too before dying. 

She closed her eyes against the anger, against the guilt and the sorrow. "Get a hold on yourself," she grumbled through clenched teeth. She forced herself to take a step forward, and then another. Slowly she made her way down the hall and into the bedroom. Garrus was already getting out of the shower, the water just turning off. She made sloppy steps over to the bathroom door. 

He was standing with his back to the door, water etched through the plates on his carapace and for a moment she just watched. Then she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. The water was cold, and it bit through her t-shirt easily. She didn't care. She rested her face against his carapace, not caring that the plates were rough against the just healed burns on her face. 

"Shepard, I--"

"No," she cut him off. She wouldn't let him apologize, she had crossed the line. "I crossed the line. I'm sorry."

"I appreciate it, Shepard," he sighed. "But it's alright."

"Not really," she replied softly. 

He turned towards her and put his hands on either side of her face, tipping her face up to look at him. He was careful with the burned cheek, making aure to only coax it softly. Her eyes were watery, tears trembling just on the edge. He couldn't bare to watch them fall. He pressed his forehead against hers softly and ran a hand up through her hair. She leaned into his hand. His talons scraped her scalp softly, bringing gooseflesh to her skin. 

"I love you," Garrus grumbled. His voice rattled out of both larynx and caused her lip to tremble in want. "I'm--" His statement was cut short by her lips pushing against his. A low rumble vibrated in his throat, lighting a little flame in her chest. 

His mandibles flexed strangely, fluttering against her cheeks. The low humming got a little more intense, his tongue even trembled with the sound as it slid into her mouth. Her entire body softened into him and he basically had to hold her up until he ended the kiss. 

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her towards the bedroom. "Come on, Shepard. Let's get you to bed."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy NSFW MARKED by * * * *

"Come on, Shepard," Garrus pleaded. He pulled at her hand feebly. "Lets just go out, it'll be fun."

Shepard sighed. "All right, all right. Just let me get on my shoes." She made her way into the bedroom and slid on some sneakers right quick.  She caught a glance of herself in the mirror and physically winced at the burned skin chewing up the side of her face. Sure, it wasn't real skin, but it sure acted real enough. The damage had been done, they just didn't have the time or resources to fix it after the war. Reasonable. 

She sighed and made herself give a smile to the stranger on the other side of the glass. The reflection smiled back, but it didn't feel good on her lips so she left the room. 

"Ready?"

"Ready," Shepard replied. Garrus was wearing causal clothes, luckily for her since today was the first day in a while that she decided to wear real pants. 

Garrus slid into the drivers seat of the shuttle while she got comfortable in the passenger side. "So, where to? I hear there's a nice bar in the city."

"You heard that? Or you looked it up?" Shepard grinned over at him and he laughed. 

"Of course I did. You up for it?"

"Let's do it."

"Glad to hear it," Garrus smiled, mandibles twitching wide into a sharp toothed grin. 

...  
It was delightfully nice to be out. The bar turned out to not be so bad, there was music yes, but it wasn't too loud. It was dimly lit as well, and she hoped that would help mask their identities. Garrus walked back to their high top table and sat a drink down in front of her. 

She took a sip and then winced at the bite of straight whiskey. "Damn, got the wrong drink?"

"No, it's fine," Shepard reassured. "It's just stout."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't exactly sure what humans like to drink for recreation." He laughed nervously. He considered that maybe he didn't know her that we'll outside of war, but that was okay he guessed. All they had was time now. 

A group of people across the bar whooped and one of them was fist pumping while another danced around in circles chugging his beer. Lights flashed brightly around the room making Shepard's head spin. The music had hard bass and for a second a grenade went off somewhere in Shepard's mind. She flinched and took a long sip from her whiskey; downing most of it in one long pull. It's over. It's over now. 

Garrus had been watching the people dance and cut up, but now he glanced at her and noticed her drink was almost empty. His mandibles flexed uneasily. "You want something different?" 

She smiled over at him and placed a hand on his knee. "A kiss?" 

"All right, but you've been warned," he hummed. She leaned in and pressed her lips against his. He leaned into it, loving the feeling of her soft skin on his, leaving a warm spot where her lips had been when she pulled away. She smiled, and he returned her smile with a wide flare of his mandibles. She chuckled at this display, and he imagined it looked strange to her. 

"Now, about that drink. Maybe I'll just have a Bloody Mary." 

"A great choice." He downed his drink in two big gulps then gathered her glass up. "Be right back." She glanced around the room and caught one of the guys from earlier looking in her direction. She diverted her eyes quickly, her cheeks warmed with anxiety at being noticed. Her fingers touched her face, feeling the burned skin that wasn't real to begin with. 

The man was walking her way, a few others trailed behind him. Her face grew hotter, she didn't want this. She wanted to be normal. "Hey, is that Garrus Vakarian?" 

She looked up, the flush of her cheeks unnecessary now. She looked from the man's waiting face over to Garrus at the bar. "Uhh, yeah." She cleared her throat. 'That's him." A certain amount of care made its way into her voice, bringing it to a frequency few ever heard from her; one of love and care, maybe even a little admiration. 

"No shit?" The guy looked back at his buddies and grinned, they nodded approvingly. "Do you think he'd mind if we talked to him?"

She chuckled, like Garrus would ever turn up a chance to brag. "No, he wouldn't mind." Garrus was making his way back now, and he looked concerned. He sat down his drink and one Bloody Mary for Shepard. She snatched it up and took a sip. "These guys want to talk to you." She arched an eyebrow. 

His eyes wandered over to them, and then back to Shepard. "Me? If they wanted to talk to anyone I assumed it'd be you." The men looked back at her curiously and she flushed again. He picked this up and changed the subject. "Are you -- were you marines?" 

The first guy nodded, the other two shook their heads no, saying they were pilots. "I grew up on a colony in the Terminus," he said. "It's -- it's gone now. I joined up to get off that doomed rock, and then the war ended." He glanced back at Shepard, recognition flickered somewhere in his eyes. "Why do you look so familiar?"

She looked down at her lap. The music was suddenly too loud, the lights too bright. The beat of the music was like the beat of her fluttering heart during battle. Garrus' mandibles flexed disdainfully. "Watch your tone," he almost growled. "This is Commander Shepard. The one who saved the galaxy." 

His jaw dropped and the other two whispered something quickly, excitedly. He threw up a salute quickly, and the other two followed suit. Shepard tried to breathe, but all the air had been sucked right out of the room. "Who's like us?" She physically flinched.

"Damn few," she mumbled, remembering everyone that had died under her command, everyone who had died period. "And they're all dead." She didn't salute back, she didn't even stand. Her bottom lip trembled, unstable through all the emotion.

He looked troubled, unsure what he had said. Garrus placed a hand on her shoulder. He squeezed softly to remind her that he was here, that she was here. She glanced up and smiled at him. 

"We'll, uhh, leave you guys be. It's a pleasure and an honor to meet you both." He saluted again, and left. Garrus turned to her immediately. 

"I didn't know, I'm--"

"Stop," she hissed. "Stop apologizing. You don't have to tip toe around me, Garrus." He flexed his mandibles, but said nothing. She took a sip from her glass, and he mimicked her by taking a gulp of his own. 

After a few more drinks and one sloppy dance they left and walked down the sidewalk, headed for their shuttle. "Can you even drive?" Shepard laughed. 

He put a hand to his chest and chuckled. "You insult me, Shepard." She laughed again as they walked. 

"Holy shit, what happened to you doll?" The words threw Shepard off for a minute. Garrus had been holding her hand, but dropped it and turned to look at the passerby as he walked away, satisfied with himself. 

"What was that?"

"I asked what happened to her face," the guy repeated, turning back to make eye contact. "Look like you fell face first onto a live grenade." Garrus' curled his talons into fists and instinctively reached for a gun that wasn't there. Shepard just looked away, hurt plastered over her soft features. 

Garrus growled, low and deep in his throat. Then he charged. The guy got out a short "hey wh-" and then a oof as Garrus tackled him to the ground. The man fumbled with his hands, shoving at garrus, swinging his fists, but they didn't quite reach his face. Garrus held the man down with one hand around his neck, and slapped his hands away. He chuckled and then turned his head to the side. "I took a rocket to the face," he said, displaying his scars. Do you honestly think your fists will hurt me?" 

The man struggled to breathe, his lips turning pale, and then light blue. He clawed at his neck; at the turians hands, but Garrus was full of anger and fire and fear or remorse would not touch him here. There were hands on his shoulders, tugging him and Garrus swatted at them watching the man's eyes go from scared to manic. 

"Garrus, let go!" The hands pulled harder, Shepard's voice, her soft hands pulling at him through his shirt. He let the man go and stood. He gasped and coughed, his hands flying up to touch his bruised throat. 

"Garrus.." Shepard said softly. He looked at her expecting anger, but she just looked tired and somewhere in there, a hint of satisfaction gleamed, like a cold drink after a long day in the sun. 

"What the fuck man?" The man stood up and glared, still breathing hard, and he winced when he swallowed. 

"Get out of here," Shepard said. 

"You're lucky she was here," Garrus said seriously. 

The man stumbled away. Once at a safe distance he looked back and shook his head. Shepard could still see the fear of death in his eyes, even through all the steps he had taken away from them. Her heart beat hard, reminding her of a battle drum. "Let's go home," she smiled. 

He held open the door for her and she stepped through and dropped her jacket and bag on the floor. He turned from locking the door, midturn he started to apologize. Her lips shut him up as she shoved him against the door.

"That was so sexy," she mumbled against his lips. 

A soft hum vibrated up his larynx, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head back into a kiss. She yanked on him and pulled him towards the hall, breaking contact ever few kisses to get in another sentence. "The way you said 'think your fists can hurt me'". She nibbled at his neck against the hallway wall. "That low growl under your voice." Her lips moved against the soft skin on his neck as she spoke, and he trembled. She pushed open the door with her butt and he shut it behind him. She turned and pushed him down on the bed. "I'm going to fuck you so good," she bit her lip as she crawled onto the bed. 

* * * *

He chuckled as he scooted back and she straddled him. Her lips pressed back against his and she moaned, she tugged on his shirt, and he threw it off hurridly. She slid off her bra and shirt in one motion and threw them on top of his discarded shirt. She struggled with her pants a moment before finally getting them down her hips and finally off to join the pile. 

Her hands trailed up his arms, pushing them back above his head. She was trailing her fingers over his wrists softly and then she slid something smooth and silky against them. He didn't break contact to investigate, too invested in the current happenings. 

She ran her fingers down the sides of his face as she nipped and kissed at the sensitive skin on his neck. The feeling of her soft lips on his neck pushed him closer to arrousal, and the scrape of her teeth on skin pulled a low sound from his lungs. The sound vibrated through both larynx and filled the air with need.

She slid her body down his slowly, and he arched his pelvis in desperation. His hands tried to move to her, but they were tied to the headrest. He watched as she moved in between his legs, his eyes catching on the way her breasts looked as they dangled as she put her body closer to horizontal. He wanted to run his tongue along the inside of one while he gripped the other, just tight enough to feel the pressure from his talons. 

He groaned as she ran her fingers softly up his thighs, and then tugged off his pants. His penis was just coming out of its sheath, getting ready for her. He could see the blue tip swelling and pulsing as it slid further out. She cocked an eyebrow up at him as she bent lower, onto her hands and kness. She got so close to it, he could feel her warm breath against the exposed tip. Garrus wiggled around, testing his bindings and trying to get her to do something pleasurable. He had no idea what she was doing, examining the goods maybe? This wasn't the first time they had done things like this, but it had never been like this before. 

He heard her laugh softly a moment before he felt something warm and wet press against the sensitive tip. Immediately, his body relaxed into the feeling. She ran her tongue over the tip, back and forth until he was squirming all over the place in ecstasy, trying to get her to take more of it into her mouth. Slowly, she put her lips around the head and moved down until meeting with his rough skin.

His cock swelled with pleasure the longer she slid her mouth over it. He moaned everytime her mouth slid down it and growled playfully when ever she removed her warm mouth from his shaft. Suddenly she stopped, and he opened his eyes to look down at her as she climbed on top of him. Her fingers played delicately just inside of her folds as she settled herself on top of him. 

His fully erect penis throbbed for her attention and she watched it throb in amusement before sliding her vagina up the length of it, pushing it down against his stomach as she slid her wet pussy up and down the length of it. He squirmed in pleasure, the thought of penetration crossed his mind every time she slid him close to her opening, but she resisted. 

She laid her body flat against his, her vagina pulsed against his length, that she still perched on. She nipped at his neck, right under the chin, and again that excitable sound escaped his throat. Her fingers lifted to the cloth handcuffs that held him in place and released one wrist. His hand immediately went to her body, wrapping behind her head and pulling her up into a kiss as his tongue slid just inside her mouth and tasted her own tongue. Shepard moaned softly, as he kissed her, the sound of it reverberating through her body and vibrating his cock ever so lightly. 

Her fingers worked at the other cuff and finally got it loose. Garrus rearranged his body, putting his back against the headrest. The movement moved his penis against her vagina again and he moaned as he pulled her up for another kiss. His talons pressed into the soft skin of her shoulders, but never broke the skin. 

Finally, she started moving herself above his midsection. She slid the head of his length just inside of her body and then back out. A pretend struggle, an attempt to tease him a little more before giving in. It worked as he groaned and tried to pull her down further. Everytime he tried she would pull his shaft back out, and it would press lightly against her clit, throbbing with the delight of the tease. 

Eventually, he outsmarted her, and when she slid the tip inside of her body he grabbed her thighs and pulled her down slowly but with a strong grip. She slid her hands behind his neck and moaned desperately as his thick cock slid all the way into her. He groaned all the way in, feeling his hard shaft slide into her warm, tight pussy. 

His penis throbbed and had no where to go as it pressed against the walls of her vagina, making them both moan in pleasure. She started out slowly, rocking back and forth on his length as she dug her nails into the back of his neck. He tried to keep his hands flat on her body, not wanting to accidentally hurt her. He moved them to her waist, and then her hips. He softly embraced her hip bones as she moved, talons sliding tenderly over the skin with each rocking movement. When she picked up the pace, however, his hands couldn't help but to curl on her.  

He used his grip to coax her into moving faster. His talons pressed into the skin at her hips, turning the areas of pressure white around the points. Her moans of pleasure vibrated inside his chest where her head was pressed as he led her hips in pleasing movements. He pulled on her faster and her moans became quicker and louder, her hands pulled on his shoulders, trying to get him as deep as possible. When he pulled her body down on his penis harder, her moans turned to delighted screams that urged him closer to climax. 

He continued to urge her body to slam down onto his length harder and harder until he felt her vagina restricting around his penis. Suddenly, a warm liquid squirted out from her vagina and onto his belly. The wetness dribbled down onto his cock, further lubricating it. The high pitched moans and pleasurable screams turned into softer versions of ecstasy as she orgasmed. 

He slowed his pulls on her body and soft thrusts of his own hips, but she groaned at him, "No, don't stop! Don't stop." He growled playfully as he pulled her body down on his cock hard, drawing a soft pleasurable moan from her lips. He was so close, his penis was starting to swell in anticipation of orgasm. She moaned his name as she felt it swelling in her, with no room for it to swell, it pressed against her inner walls until they gave no more, completely filling her up. 

He pulled on her harder and harder until he felt his body start to tingle on the verge of an orgasm. He started to pull her body up, so to not cum in her but she groaned unhappily at his retreat. "Garrus. Just cum in me, I want to feel it." His mind was too foggy to argue so he kept thrusting into her and pulling on her hips until his penis swelled and finally released its burden deep inside of her body. A low growl slid up his throat as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. 

She could feel his big load of sperm squirt into her, quickly pushing out around the edges and dripping down his length and out of her vagina as it continued to throb with the release of pressure. She trembled with pleasure at the sensation of his hot cum literally filling up her vagina.  

His cock throbbed inside of her after he finished, more sensitive than ever. He didn't want to move it, the pleasure might be too intense. Instead, they stayed in that position listening to each other breathe as their hearts fumbled to pick up a slower pace.

As his penis began to soften and retract, she  slid off of him and laid down beside him, still panting softly. He turned his body towards her, propping up on his elbow as he looked over her face that was shiny with sweat. "That was.. umm.. good."

"Good? That all?"

"Yeah, it was better than good," he replied, his voice still low with desire.

"Uh-huh," she smiled, "It was fucking amazing."

He laughed a beat. "Well, what can I say."

She laughed playfully  "Oh, it was all you, huh?" 

"Well, not entirely," his mandibles flared into a smile. "I love you, babe." 

"I love you too, Garrus," she replied softly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need a shower." She looked down at her body, cum trailed down her legs and still leaked from her vagina. The sight of it dripping from her folds and trailing down her legs as she made her way to he bathroom almost aroused him again, but his shaft was too tired to think like that right then. He laid down flat in the bed and flipped on the TV on the far wall. 

* * * *

He heard her turn on the shower, and then a few moments later close the door to the shower. He waited for her to come back into the room before allowing himself to get sleepy, after all she was still having seizures occasionally, and if she were to fall in the shower.. He didn't want to think about it. 

He was woken up by the sound of her screaming beside him as she struggled against the covers. He sat up with a start and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him. She sobbed loudly into his chest, and balled her hands into fists as she shook violently with every sob. He just held her tightly and waited for her to calm down.

Nightmares had plagued her almost every night since they got here. He wasn't sure they would ever stop, but it didn't matter. He was prepared to help her every night if need be. 

Slowly, her sobs quieted and her fists loosened. "I'm sorry," her voice was soft and hoarse from crying. 

"Don't be," Garrus squeezed her small frame lightly. "Want to talk about it?" The doctor had told him that asking to talk about the nightmares may help ease them over time, but she had yet to speak on the manner. He expected tonight would be no different, but he was wrong. 

"Yeah, I think I do." He reached for the lamp, but she stopped him. "No! I mean please, just leave off the light. It makes it easier to talk."

"Okay."

"It's the same dream most nights, or mostly the same. Sometimes things are different but the result is always the same." He waited for her to continue, unsure what to say. "It always ends with everyone I care about, and some people along the way that died.. they're all in this big pile, like a mass grave. They're all looking at me with hate in their eyes because I couldn't save them." A few tears slipped down her cheek, he could feel the slippery wet drops plop onto his chest. 

"Am I there?" She didn't answer, but he felt her nod in the dark against his chest. "Everyone you care about?"

"Yes. Every last one," she replied, "some of them are already dead because of me."

"Hey, that's not true. You can't save them all, you said so yourself."

"Yeah, but maybe I just didn't try hard enough, or.." Her voice trembled on the word try and again on the word or.

"You did all you could, babe." The word finally felt natural rolling off his tongue. "It's not your fault, sometimes people just die." Shit, they came out harsher than intended. 

"Maybe." She took a deep breath and laid back against her pillows. 

"Do you want some meds to help you sleep?"

She glanced over at the clock, three in the morning. "No, it's too late now."

"We don't have anything to do tomorrow. So if you need sleep, I won't hold it against you."

"Yeah, okay. I guess that's not so bad."

He flipped on the lamp and rummaged through the top drawer of the nightstand until he found the small bottle of pills. They were supposed to help her sleep, but also prevent dreaming. He wasn't sure how that worked, but he'd trust the doctor at his word. 

He struggled with the childproof cap awhile before she laughed. "Let me open it."

"Sorry," he passed it to her.  Then he grabbed an empty glass off the dresser's smooth top and went to retrieve some water from the bathroom sink. He made eye contact with himself as he filled the glass. His eyes were tired, but then again it was three a.m.

Sure, yeah, turians didn't have eight hours sleep cycles but he was always asleep when this happened. Maybe he should change his sleep cycle. 

It was always three a.m. when she startled awake. He wondered vaguely if the two correlated, but had no basis or knowledge  to further hypothesize. After the pills and she talked a bit more about the people, burning and screaming in her dreams, she finally drifted off to sleep. He didn't. Instead he lay there and watched her sleep peacefully before leaving the room silently and wandering down the hall. The sun was peaking up over the horizon and he decided today he would watch it rise.


End file.
